Choices – Part 2

The first semester of my sophomore year in college went really well. I lived in a dorm that was more centrally located on campus than my freshman year dorm was. I also got out and socialized more. During my freshman year I didn't allow myself to meet many people because I was so focused on studying and my relationship with Tony. I lived a far more balanced life during my sophomore year and even made the Dean's List.

I also had an experience with Art that would later prove to be quit significant for me in my personal development. I met Art during our freshman year. He'd come down to the dorm where I lived to say hello and visit with one of my girlfriends, Mary. He and Mary both grew up in the City and attended the same high school. They had been friends for years and their parents even knew one another. Whenever Art visited Mary would always say after he left, "He's such a great guy."

I'd see Art around during my sophomore year. He was always friendly and down to earth. Somehow, one day he and I ended up doing something together. It all seemed very innocent to me. I thought we were hanging out as friends, just like we had done on a number of occasions with Mary during our freshman year.

However, when he walked me back to my dorm he came up to my room. After awhile we started kissing. I was not sure what was happening, but decided to go along with it. It seemed a bit strange to me, while at the same time almost fun. But, it was as if I wasn't allowing myself to have fun kissing him because I had always thought of him in the context of being "a friend." I also was not the least bit infatuated with him.

The next day, from my dorm room, I could see Art approaching my building. I started to freak out a bit. "Oh my gosh. He's coming to see me." I was really scared. In that moment I realized that he actually liked me. Oh, no. This guy liked me and I didn't have "those feelings" for him.

I have to tell you, this guy was a really great guy. He was far more mature than I was. Of course I didn't realize that at the time. Nor would I realize how great he was until many years later. I was just relieved that he took my rejecting him so well.

He did come up to my room and knock on the door. I answered it and invited him into my room. I was so anxious. I knew I had to somehow tell him that “I didn't like him like that." I did and I'll never forget what he said. Art simply replied, "Oh, okay. That was just a lot of fun yesterday with you. But, that's okay." And he left. Again, I was relieved, only concerned about myself and completely clueless that I just let a really great guy go without even giving him a chance.

After that it was never weird between Art and me. He was completely normal around me whenever we ran into each other on campus. I now suspect that while that experience was a big deal to me it probably wasn't for Art. As I said, he was a lot more mature than I was. He was probably simply checking the situation out with me and probably didn't approach relationships with women as I did with men. Meaning, it probably was about the person for him compared to it being all about the infatuation for me.

Many years later I thought about Art. But, more about that later when the time is right to share that experience with you.

~ kalkae