Part 1: Are You Going To Marry Me?

There was no question about it graduate school was tough. I was twenty-six years old and in my first year of business school. Several months prior I quit my job back East, packed up all my stuff (whatever didn't fit in my car I either gave away or sold) and headed to the West coast to get settled in before my first semester of business school started.

We already had an assignment to complete before we started school. It was for our "Human Behavior In Organizations" course. We were to read "The Road Less Traveled" by M. Scott Peck. I had read the book a few years ago, but read it again. There were many things that Peck wrote in his book that made a lot of sense to me. He also spoke about principles by which I wanted to strive to live. One, in particular, stuck out for me. It went something like this: as you become healthier you'll actually choose to get out of relationships simply because they are not working and without having to create and experience any drama.

Now, let me add that is how I remember the point. I found the concept intriguing. I thought, "You mean, people actually choose to get out of relationships and have 'easy' break-ups?" Hmmm. It was such a foreign concept to me. I also remember thinking; "There is no way I could end a relationship with someone I liked a lot. It would be like tearing myself away from the person." Obviously I didn't get it. However, Peck's principles did stick with me, in the far recesses of my unconscious.

Enter Dan. Before starting grad school I gave myself this "wonderful" assignment of not dating anyone for a year. In hindsight it was actually a good idea. Again, graduate school was demanding. Starting a relationship in addition to getting through graduate school wasn't very smart. Well, at least for someone like me who had no clue how to have a healthy relationship with a man.

It was obvious from the beginning that Dan had a crush on me. He'd make it known in subtle ways. I, on the other hand, was not attracted to him and also made it known that I wasn't dating for a year.

Dan and I became friends.

One day, in between classes, Dan came and sat down next to me on the couch where I was sitting. He said, "Do we really have to wait until March?" I looked at him with an expression that said, "What are you talking about?" But, the conversation didn't go any further because someone else came up to us and started another conversation.

Later that day I realized what Dan meant. Essentially he was asking me out. So, I started thinking about it. I thought, "Well, maybe this is the right thing to do. We're friends. I'm not particularly attracted to Dan. He's a nice guy. We have a lot in common, especially grad school." I even spoke about the possibility of dating Dan with one of my girlfriends who was in the same program as Dan and I. She said, "Well, he does have a nice body." Dan did. He worked out regularly and took good care of himself. In fact, he was one of the guys with whom I went running several times a week. There was a lot about Dan to like and I found that I was talking myself into liking him.

Without realizing it, I was talking myself into a lot more than simply liking Dan. Meaning, I'd come to realize, years later, that by our first date I essentially had us getting married some day. Because I wasn't aware of the intensity at which I approached the relationship, I couldn't understand how this guy who professed to be so crazy about me, started backing away shortly after we started dating ...

~ Kalkae