My Alcoholic Sweetheart - Part 1

During most of my time in college, I didn't date a lot. I had a few crushes, but nothing every happened with those guys which was frustrating at times. I'd go to a party, excited to see a certain guy and he'd barely give me the time of day.

The college I attended was relatively small. After a year, the only faces that seemed unfamiliar were the faces of the new, incoming, first year students. But, after about 6 months, their faces even became familiar. So, I knew Jim. I knew his face. But, he and I were never in a class together and we never formerly met. I always thought he was cute and I knew he was a good athlete. As I look back, I can't remember when we met, but I know we started talking to one another because I became friends with Annie, one of his friends.

I can't even remember how Jim and I started fooling around, either. I know that I wasn't taking it too serious because I knew he was involved with someone else, Hannah. The year prior I'd see Jim and Hannah together at parties. I also knew through Annie that Jim was still dating Hannah, however they were rarely together on campus because Hannah graduated the prior year. She did come to visit Jim on occasion, though.

My involvement with Jim started to become strained. I think I rationalized my involvement with him because we weren't having sex, just kissing and engaging in heavy petting. But, my conscious started catching up with me. Then, one day Jim told me that Hannah was coming to visit him.

I still remember where we were when he told me. I was standing at my desk in my dorm room. My desk was positioned right up against the window in this beautiful, brownstone building with hardwood floors and fireplaces. The view out of my window was the grassy quad in the middle of campus. It was a nice, sunny day and my roommates and I had the door to our room propped open to get a nice breeze through the place.

Jim shared a room with another guy in the same building as my room, but on the other side. I was at my desk when Joe appeared at the door. If I hadn't been standing kind of sideways he could have come right up behind me without my even knowing.

It was obvious from his face and his body language that he needed to tell me bad news. He was so sweet and gentle when he told me that Hannah was coming to visit that coming weekend. I wasn't surprised. I knew that eventually this would probably happen. I didn't feel jealous, angry or bitter. I felt bad for Jim and the position I had a part in putting him. I told him that I understood and I assured him that I wouldn't do anything to disrupt his relationship with Hannah. Then he said, "Yeah, I know. But, I don't really want her to come. I want to be with you."

I was really surprised and didn't know what to say or what to feel. Some people may argue that this was a good thing for me. However, I never started seeing Jim with the intention of "it going anywhere." In fact, I was feeling really lousy about myself for even seeing him when he supposedly had a commitment to another woman.

Jim did end it with Hannah. I felt so bad, so much remorse that I told Jim that I needed some time to myself. I told him I wasn't sure about the whole thing. I knew that I liked him a lot, but it just wasn't anything close to an ideal beginning.

So, I did take some time to consider being with Jim. He was very patient. Because we lived in the same building we'd see each other often. He was always nice to me and never pressured me.

~ kalkae